See, I'm not a total liar (this time). We be making this jawn weekly. I'd also like to give a shoutout to Luisa for providing the visual fodder for this week's speci(wo)men. And though I said she was going to be an archaeologist, like a dickweed asshole I dropped that piece for someone hotter, because I'm superficial like that. And I pretend to know my (critical?) straight male audience, if it even exists.

BANGABLE DAME NO. 3 Teresa Wilms Montt, Chilean poet

The Evidence:

So......we all might have to take the facts I've collected with a grain of salt, as Google provided some rather poorly translated biographies and I (very practically) took German in high school. Tut mir leid. What I could determine was that Teresa was born into a prominent Chilean family, but abandoned the life of the bourgeoisie for a pursuit of anarchism, feminism, Freemasonry, and poetry. Her husband caught her cheating on him...with his cousin. So he threw her in that convent, even though he was a gambling, alcoholic twat. And following her Midnight Express-like escape (I don't know, I'm just making that up), Teresa was mistaken for a German spy whilst trying to join the Red Cross as a nurse during WWI. Though she was able to publish frequently enough, it was probably her unhappiness stemming from the limited visitations she had with her two daughters and her depression that caused Teresa to commit suicide at the age of 28. Her life demonstrates the limitations of even an educated woman at the turn of the last century. As does the epic of Rose DeWitt Bukater. Totally fair and historically correct comparison.

I can't forget to mention that Teresa was allegedly bumping uglies with this stud. You get it, girl.

Oh, and that Cheetah Girl thing is supposed to say "embrace the reference," but Daytum can be so difficult to work with/my process of creating and editing infographics is so ghet-to.

Next Time: An American-British entrepreneur

Just when you thought this blog was history--BAHHHHHH, just kidding--the saaaaxy is back. Thanks to Edmond for this tip, and for being an enabler in my posting of bad puns and lame art history jokes.

BANGABLE DAME NO. 2 Emmy Hennings, Dada performer and poet

The Evidence:

On a more serious note (and so I don't get harassed again for seemingly objectifying a woman), I kind of feel bad for Emmy. From an article I read: "She lived on the verge of poverty most of her life, was the victim of male domination (even among some of the Dadaists), was a failure as a mother, and as a stage performer was constantly uprooting and moving without destination or purpose. It is not surprising that she viewed life as senseless and oppressive." And thusly (or for some reason that could not be garnered from a 10-minute speed read) she abandoned Dadaism for Catholicism. Now that--the confirmed sixth-grader in me can agree--is depressing. But at least she had a killer bob and bangs. Total girl crush.

Next Time: A dude. That's as far as I've gotten.

'Tis that time of year when the enterprising young ladies of America enable my gluttony. And so, with a mouthful of Girl Scout cookies, I present the first in the long-awaited series:

BANGABLE DAME NO. 1 Juliette Gordon Low, founder of the Girl Scouts

The Evidence:

More on the first two points: Juliette and her husband, William, were nearing divorce when he died in 1905, so perhaps her plight in being a single woman was not as trying as for some. However, William apparently left his entire estate to another woman, to which Juliette (later) replied, "No one was going to get away with that!" She fought the system and homegirl took back $500,000, even though it was in settlement money. Bitch still got some of her green, I guess.

Next Time: Communist China