Pink Fire Pointer October 2010
Submission Edition! This one's for you, Jennifer. Hope Evan's cool with it.


The Evidence:

Even though he and my boo, Woodrow, shared a mutual dislike for one another, Eugene seemed rather modest and committed to defending civil liberties, so I can get behind that. Get it? Get "behind" that? Not really, okay...

And I apologize for the small photo; Eugene began balding before there was much photographic evidence of his existence. At least photographic evidence available on the internet.

Next Time: Colonial Africa
HISTORIC BONER NO. 7 Aisin-Gioro Puyi (a.k.a. the last Emperor of China)

The Evidence:

I love that his circumstances drove his first wife to an opium addiction (does that make me a bad person?). But no offense, that Bertolucci film put me to sleep.

And, yeah, I get the fact that he was supposedly impotent. WHATEVER.

Next Time: The American Labor Movement (submission edition!)
Submission Edition! This one goes out to the always rad Jennifer C., who has a "Hot Dead Dudes" folder on her computer and dug out the following photo for our enjoyment.

HISTORIC BONER NO. 6 Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili (a.k.a. a younger Joseph Stalin)

The Evidence:

Seriously, just add a mustache and some facial hair, and you've got the second coming of Uncle Joe, pre-Revolution.

Next Time: (Post)Imperial China
HISTORIC BONER NO. 5 General William Tecumseh Sherman

The Evidence:

I'd like to deviate from the established formula for a moment to state that if I were alive and legal during the American Civil War, I would have abandoned my job as a mill girl (given my ethnicity and family's socioeconomic background) in order to become a battlefield nurse or something (a.k.a. troop prostitute), just so I could stalk Sherman. Hello? HE'S A GINGER.

And do you like how my pie chart is confused by negative values? Oh, Daytum...

Next Time: The Soviet Union (submission edition!)
HISTORIC BONER NO. 4 Edward VIII of the United Kingdom

The Evidence:

If we don't count the whole appeasement and pro-Hitler thing, abdicating one's throne for one's true love (even if she is uggerrrs) is pretty romantic and admirable. Thinking the former is why he was "banished" to the Bahamas, but no man's perfect, doyouknowwhatiamsaying?

Next Time: The American Civil War (my favorite boner yet, friends...)
HISTORIC BONER NO. 3 Samuel F. B. Morse

The Evidence:

Uh, despite his whole anti-Catholic, anti-immigrant stance (I was raised Catholic and my maternal grandparents were OTB Irish, so, uh, yeah...), that coiffed hair is pretty sexy, no?

Hence why I said he was "bangable," not "boyfriend material."

Next Time: The Windsors, pre-William and Harry
HISTORIC BONER NO. 2 Jean-Paul Marat

The Evidence:

If you ignore the whole debilitating skin disease thing--and avoid all other depictions of him--he has the makings of some "Grade A" French Fillet.

Next Time: The Age of American Invention
HISTORIC BONER NO. 1 Alexander Hamilton

The Evidence:

And (obviously) he's on the dollar bill, albeit the ten. Major swagger points for that.

Next Time: The French Revolution