See, I'm not a total liar (this time). We be making this jawn weekly. I'd also like to give a shoutout to Luisa for providing the visual fodder for this week's speci(wo)men. And though I said she was going to be an archaeologist, like a dickweed asshole I dropped that piece for someone hotter, because I'm superficial like that. And I pretend to know my (critical?) straight male audience, if it even exists.

BANGABLE DAME NO. 3 Teresa Wilms Montt, Chilean poet

The Evidence:

So......we all might have to take the facts I've collected with a grain of salt, as Google provided some rather poorly translated biographies and I (very practically) took German in high school. Tut mir leid. What I could determine was that Teresa was born into a prominent Chilean family, but abandoned the life of the bourgeoisie for a pursuit of anarchism, feminism, Freemasonry, and poetry. Her husband caught her cheating on him...with his cousin. So he threw her in that convent, even though he was a gambling, alcoholic twat. And following her Midnight Express-like escape (I don't know, I'm just making that up), Teresa was mistaken for a German spy whilst trying to join the Red Cross as a nurse during WWI. Though she was able to publish frequently enough, it was probably her unhappiness stemming from the limited visitations she had with her two daughters and her depression that caused Teresa to commit suicide at the age of 28. Her life demonstrates the limitations of even an educated woman at the turn of the last century. As does the epic of Rose DeWitt Bukater. Totally fair and historically correct comparison.

I can't forget to mention that Teresa was allegedly bumping uglies with this stud. You get it, girl.

Oh, and that Cheetah Girl thing is supposed to say "embrace the reference," but Daytum can be so difficult to work with/my process of creating and editing infographics is so ghet-to.

Next Time: An American-British entrepreneur

I'm starting a Twitter account because some people told me I should. I'm also starting a Facebook page even though I hate Mark Zuckerberg in light of Jesse Eisenberg's (obviously) infallible portrayal of him in the Social Network. I swore never again to join Facebook when I deleted my personal account in 2005, but that just proves how weak my personal convictions are.

With this, I pledge to update more often. I also pledge to tweet regularly about my favorite "articles" from the Daily Mail and Dlisted. Except all stories relating to the Kardashian wedding, because that dude is fugly and I'm over it already. Been over that shit since the OJ trial/before that bitch was born.

All of the credit for this handsome find goes to Levina. And look, guys, the list has passed 20! After months of dragging my feet, this bitch is finally legal.

HISTORIC BONER NO. 21 Vivien Thomas, pioneer of cardiac surgery

The Evidence:

Look, they're stethoscope twins!

You gotta give it to Thomas for putting up with all the shit he did in his career amidst the racism of 1940's America. I suppose it didn't help that he worked both in Nashville and Baltimore, but then again my only points of reference for the latter come from a childhood visit to the Baltimore Aquarium and from watching the Wire (Omar don't scare.). I digress. In short, Thomas perfected the surgical procedure performed on patients with blue baby syndrome, but wasn't given credit for his part in this or his role guiding the surgeons during the surgery (he wasn't allowed to operate as he had only a high school diploma, due to financial complications during the Great Depression). And after training countless surgeons at Johns Hopkins, all the University could do was award him an Honorary Doctor of Laws. Because lawyers perform surgery.

I wonder what I could do with a Master's degree in museum education... Maybe they'd let me perform minor surgeries, or let me get all up in there like this dude (though I'd rather pursue my dream of becoming a urologist...). Or at least allow me to stalk the halls for hot, young, available interns...

Next Time: An English archaeologist (a layday)